They're getting the head of the company!
I'm home!
Honey, we're in here!
Hi.
What did you do to your hair?
Edward cut it. Isn't it wild?
Hello?
I can't believe I'm talking to you in person.
This is such an honor.
Yes. He's right here.
Great. So then you know all about him.
Uh-huh.
Well, that's exactly what I've been using.
I've had a little trouble
getting it the right consistency.
Yeah. Well, just a little.
Add 21 Red.
I'll try that.
Uh-huh.
And then a dash of 418.
Well, what imaginative suggestions.
I sure will.
Thank you so much.
Bye-bye.
No wonder she's the head of the company.
She started as a sales representative like me.
I've always wanted to talk to her,
but until now, I never had a reason.
Thanks, Edward.
She had some ideas?
You bet she did.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
I'll get that.
Edward, we're here.
Come on, let's get you sharpened up.
You got it?
No. I can't believe this.
It's such a mess.
Hi.
Goodbye.
Bye-bye.
Do you have a key?
No.
I could've sworn I put it here.
Well, we're stranded.
Wow.
Thanks.
Ed, what a guy. Good job.
You didn't break it or scratch it or anything.
Be a pal and yell when Peg pulls in, huh?
Quite a story, yes?
Any questions for Edward?
Yeah.
Get way over.
Stand right up.
What's been the best part of your new life?
The friends I've made.
[Applause]
Any other questions?
Have you ever thought of having corrective surgery or prosthetics?
I know a doctor that might be able to help you.
I'd like to meet him.
We'll get that name after the show.
Anyone else?
Yes. Stand right up.
But if you had regular hands,
you'd be like everyone else.
Yes, I know.
I think he'd like that.
No one would think you were special.
You wouldn't be on TV.
No matter what,
Edward will always be special.
[Applause]
More questions?
Yes.
Stand right up.
Your work is so interesting, distinctive, and unique.
Do you have plans to open your own beauty salon?
Oh, there's an idea.
[Applause]
Anyone else?
Yeah.
Do you have a girlfriend?
Ahh.
Sure, he does. Right, Kim?
Now you got him started.
Knock it off, bubble-butt.
You did it.
So?
How about it, Edward?
Is there some special lady in your life?
Ha ha ha ha!
Uh, everything's all right.
We'll take a break,
and we'll be right back after these messages.
Why are you laughing? He got hurt.
It was a little shock.
A little shock?
I wish we'd been taping that.
I'd give my left nut to see that again.
Aren't you excited? Oh, this is just so thrilling!
Wait till I show it to you. It's perfect.
I want to call it Shear Heaven.
Ha ha ha ha! Ohh.
And here we are!
Now, all along here, I'm going to put a row of new mirrors,
and back along here, well, I think...
Eddie, come along, doll.
And back here, a whole row of new cosmetics.
And all along this row here...
Peg could sell cosmetics.
Yeah, sure.
And this, of course, is where we wash hair.
And here's where I stand
when I greet the customers.
But back in here is what I really want to show you.
Eddie, this is what I really want to show you.
Now, this is the storeroom
where we keep everything.
What I need from you is a decision.
I need you to help me make.
Oh, honey, no! No, don't.
That's dangerous.
Now you just sit right down there.
I have some smocks.
Would you like me to model them for you?
Yes.
[Music Plays]
# Oh-oh-oh #
# With these hands #
# I will cling #
# To you #
# I'm yours forever... #
Now, this is my favorite
because it's yellow...
and what it's for
is to catch those itchy little trimmings
that fall down your neck.
Ha ha.
And then there's this old purple one, you know,
you kind of drape around you like this.
# With this heart... #
I like that one.
Oh, Eddie.
Why, Eddie, you're trembling.
So am I.
I've been waiting for this moment for so long.
# With these hands #
# I'll provide #
# For you #
# Should there be a stormy sea #
# I'll turn the tides #
# For you #
# And I'll never #
# Oh, no, I'll never #
# I'll never let you go #
# Ooh... ##
Aah!
Edward!
Edward, you come back here! You can't do that!
Velcro, sweetheart.
Velcro that hangs on the dashboard.
I've never seen that.
Sorry I'm late.
Hi, Edward.
Sorry, we had to go ahead without you.
So, Edward, did you have a productive day?
Mrs. Monroe showed me
where the salon's going to be.
You could have a cosmetics counter.
Oh, wouldn't that be great?
Great.
And then she showed me the back room
where she took her clothes off.
Edward, I can't say how thrilled I am.
I'm as pleased as punch.
This beauty parlor venture
will teach you volumes.
Nothing like running your own business.
I've never done it myself,
but from what I gather,
it's the greatest satisfaction
a workingman can have.
So I guess the bank's
going to be your next step, huh?
The bank?
Yeah. Take out a loan, get yourself started.
Nothing to worry about.
With your talent and reputation,
it's going to be a snap.
Yeah.
No credit,
no record of jobs you've held,
no savings,
no personal investments,
no social security number...
you may as well not exist...
there is no collateral.
We already have a second on the house,
but don't the testimonials make a difference?
Did you see here?
The mayor's wife can't wait to become a client.
We simply can't do it.
Now, get yourself a social security card,
establish credit,
and buy yourself a car.
You have a decided advantage.
You can get one of those handicap placards.
Park anywhere you like.
I can't believe it. It's an outrage.
But don't you worry.
This isn't the end of it.
We'll get your money somehow.
But that's breaking and entering.
Look, my parents have insurance up the rear, OK?
What'll it have cost them? A little hassle, that's it.
A week, and my dad will have a new and better everything.
We can't.
A guy will give us cash.
I don't want to.
You don't want a van like Denny's
with a mattress in the back?
Why can't you do it?
My father keeps the room locked.
Edward can get us in.
Take the key when he's sleeping.
The only thing he hangs onto tighter is his dick.
Kim, Razor Blades would do anything for you.
What do you mean? That's not true.
Ask him.
That's not fair.
There isn't any other way.
There's got to be.
Look, I've racked my brain.
Don't you want us to have our own van?
Well, yeah.
Jim, the lights are on.
Those go on automatically.
They're gone for the weekend,
I told you.
In case of burglars.
You turned off the alarm?
What do you think? Shh!
I can't believe this is happening.
Sure he doesn't know this is Jim's house?
He's never been here.
This person stole from you?
Shh! Keep your voice down.
I told you he stole it.
Tell his parents. They'll make him give it back.
The guy's parents are like he is.
You told Kim you'd do this. Let's go.
Come on!
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on, come on! Come on!
[Alarm Sounds]
The bastard had it wired separately.
Come on!
We can't just leave him here!
I can't do this!
Come on, Kim.
Put me down!
[Siren]
We know you're in there.
We're in the process of deactivating the system
so that you can come out.
[Alarm Stops]
Turn around!
No way.
Jim, it's your house.
They can't arrest you for setting off your own alarm.
We'll say we freaked and ran!
We're not going back, OK?
We have to!
My father would prosecute!
His own son?
Especially his own son!
If Edward tells, I'll kill him!
Turn around!
No!
Turn around!
No!
Put your hands high in the air
where we can see them.
Your hands up!
He's got something in his hands. Looks like knives.
Drop your weapon!
I repeat, drop your weapon!
I'll ask you one more time.
This is your last warning. Drop your weapon.
If you fail to do so, we'll open fire.
Don't make us do that, buddy.
Drop your weapons!
Drop them!
Now!
Looks like we got a psycho.
Prepare to fire!
No! No!
Stand back, ladies. Stand back!
Those aren't weapons! Those are his hands.
Please, we know him.
All right, cuff him.
But we can see him now?
We'll have to hold him overnight for observation.
He has to stay in prison all night?
Pick him up in the morning.
Oh, Edward.
Hello, Edward.
Oh, Edward, dear, I blame myself.
What in God's name was going through your mind, son?
Why didn't I set a better example?
You saw how I envied Jim's parents' money.
What were you going to do with that stuff?
Oh, I blithely say,
"We'll get money for the salon somehow,"
but I never meant stealing.
Dear, stealing's not the way to get it.
Stealing's not the way to get anything.
Except trouble,
and you're in a serious heap of that.
Oh, Edward, why ever did you do this?
Damn those TV programs.
Damn them all to hell.
Or did somebody put you up to this?
Will he be OK, Doc?
The years spent in isolation
have not equipped him with the tools
necessary to judge right from wrong.
He's had no context.
He's been completely without guidance.
Furthermore, his work...
the garden sculptures,
hairstyles, and so forth...
indicate that he's a highly imaginative, uh...
character.
It seems clear that his awareness
of what we call reality
is radically underdeveloped.
But will he be all right out there?
Oh, yeah, he'll be fine.
Listen, it could keep me up all night worrying about you.
You watch yourself, you hear?
[Snipping]
I heard this noise. I ran out in my bathrobe.
All along, I felt in my gut
there was something wrong with him.
It could have been my house.
It could have been any of our houses.
I warned you, didn't I?
I saw the sign of Satan on him.
You didn't heed my warning, but now you will.
Now you can see it, too.
Edward, you stay right here.
What do you have to say in your defense?
He doesn't want to talk now!
You have to say something.
He can't talk right now.
No comments? No remarks?
So were you set up?
What was going through your mind?
We have to get in the house.
One comment!
Well, for goodness sakes, Lois,
I'll see you at our Christmas party
before I get you here for your haircut.
Of course we'll have it this year.
Why wouldn't we have it this year?
Well, you may think that, but you're wrong.
You're here.
They didn't hurt you, did they?
Were you scared?
I tried to make Jim go back,
but you can't make Jim do anything.
Thank you for not telling them that we...
You're welcome.
It must have been awful
when they told you whose house it was.
I knew it was Jim's house.
You did?
Yes.
Well, then why'd you do it?
Because you asked me to.
Kimba!
Kimmy!
[Whistling]
Hey!
Don't.
What's the matter with you?
I did what I could.
My old man thinks he's retarded,
otherwise he'd still be in jail.
What more do you want?
You could tell the truth.
So could you. You were there.
You know I didn't want to do it.
But you did do it.
I don't get why you give such a shit anyway.
[Glass Breaks]
We'll help you replace the drapes and the towels,
but our confidence in you, Edward,
isn't going to be so easy to replace.
Dad...
OK, a little ethics.
You're walking down the street,
you find a suitcase full of money.
There's nobody around.
No human person is in evidence.
What do you do?
"A"... You keep the money.
"B"... You use it to buy gifts
for your friends and loved ones.
"C"... You give it to the poor.
"D"... You turn it in to the police.
Dad, this is really stupid.
Kim.
I'd keep the money.
Simmer down.
Edward?
How about after dinner
we go to the bowling alley?
That would be fun.
You're not seeing Jim tonight?
We had the coolest show and tell today.
This kid brought in a box of baby possums.
10, maybe 12.
Totally naked,
no hair at all.
It's fascinating, but your father's not finished yet.
Thank you, dear.
Edward, we're waiting.
Give it to my loved ones?
Oh, Edward, it does seem
that that's what you should do,
but it's not.
You dope.
Everybody knows
you're supposed to give it to the police.
Good thinking, Kevin.
Well, think about it, you guys.
I mean, that's the nicer thing to do.
That's what I would do.
We're trying to make things easier for him,
so let's cut the comedy for a little while.
I am being serious.
It's a nicer thing to do.
We're not talking nice.
We're talking right and wrong.
Shut up!
Oh, goodness sake,
no wonder poor Edward can't learn right from wrong
living in this family.
Did you hear what he did to Peg's curtains?
It's unbelievable. That they're having
their Christmas party anyway. Are you going?
Oh, I don't think so.
He practically raped Joyce, you know.
Threatening her with those knives?
It's a miracle she escaped.
I don't have anything against Bill and Peg, but...
I know, I know.
They've got that teenage daughter in the house.
Oh, those poor things, after what happened to me.
Can you imagine?
What did you say to Peg about the Christmas party?
I said I hoped we'd make it.
I lied, too.
Edward, do you want to give me that new haircut?
Again?
Yeah, sure.
It makes me proud to have you
as my own personal hairdresser.
Hi, honey.
Hi.
Kevin, you want to play scissors-paper-stone?
No.
Why?
It's boring.
I'm tired of always winning.
Other people's feelings?
I'll be outside.
A few manners?
Just never you mind, dear.
Just... You cut away.
Cut away.
# I saw three ships come sailing by #
# On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day #
# I saw three ships come sailing by #
# On Christmas Day in the morning ##
It needs something...
else.
What do you think, honey?
More bells?
More bells.
Do you really think we should be having this party?
Of course I do.
I mean, it's just what we need to calm things down,
and everything will just go back to normal.
Hmm?
Do you have any more bells, honey?
[Snipping]
Hey!
Ooh!
Now you've done it.
It's just a scratch, Jim, really.
Stay back.
Touch her again, I'll kill you.
Call a doctor. He skewered Kim.
No! He didn't skewer me.
Stay away from her.
You can't touch anything without destroying it.
Who you think you are, hanging around here?
I want you to sit right down
and wait for me to bring you some ice.
Stay there. I'll be right back.
# On Christmas Day in the morning ##
Get the hell out of here!
Get the hell out!
Go! Freak!
Hey, Edward, where are you going?
Where is he?
He tried to hurt you.
He didn't, and you know it!
Are you nuts? I just saw him!
Jim, I don't love you anymore.
I just want you to go, OK? Just go!
Are you serious?
Lose you to that? He isn't even human.
Just get out of here, OK? Just go!
Dad, did you see where Edward went?
He just waltzed down the street.
We have to go find him, Mom.
Your father will find him.
I'll take care of it.
I'll go find him.
[Whistling]
Edward!
I'm calling the police!
Aah!
Oh!
All that blood, sweetie, and it's just a little cut.
[Doorbell Chimes]
Oh.
Hello. I'm here to see the man with the hands.
Oh...
uh...
He's not here. Thank you.
Oh, dear.
Helen, did you actually see him?
Yes! Look!
You see, I told you he was a demon.
Oh, don't start that stuff again.
I'm looking for the man with the scissors.
He went that way.
You have to do something about that.
All right, calm down. Go on home.
We'll handle it.
Just go home.
He's a de... a demon.
You've got to do something!
All right. Let's see if he's at our houses.
Come on.
Oh...
I'm sure your father will find him soon.
What time is it?
It's almost 8:30.
Great party, huh?
Where are they?
God, I hope he's OK
So do I, honey.
You know,
when I brought Edward down here to live with us,
I really didn't think things through.
And I didn't think about what could happen to him...
or to us...
or to the neighborhood.
And now I think that maybe...
it might be best if he goes...
back up there.
Because at least there he's safe.
And we'd just go back to normal.
I got halfway to the Whitman's.
I didn't see him anywhere.
Let's get in the car and look for him.
Where's Kevin now?
At Max's.
Where do you think you're going, young lady?
With you guys.
No, you're staying here in case somebody shows up!
W-We'll be right back, dear.
Police.
Edward?
Are you OK?
Yes. Are you OK?
Where is everybody?
Out looking for you.
Hold me.
I can't.
I know it's a little early for Christmas, Edward,
but, uh...
I have a present for you.
Forget holding her hand.
Picture the damage he could do other places.
Yeah. That's sick.
I feel like I'm going to pass out
or puke or something.
Later. First take me to her house.
Come on. Don't make me drive.
Just do it!
Jesus. Maybe she was right about you.
Just drive!
Relax.
See you tomorrow. Call me.
All right.
Have they caught him yet?
Who?
Him.
That... That cripple.
Ahh. Let me know when they do.
Let us all know, OK?
Like a good boy?
Kevin.
Ohh!
Are you OK?
Oh! Ow. Oh.
Ow! Oh!
Help!
Edward. Help.
I'm your friend.
Stop!
Don't! Stop! Get away, now!
Somebody help us!
Help!
What are you doing? Get away! Aah!
Get the police!
Somebody call the police!
Hey.
Let go of me!
Why?
Kevin!
Hey!
Kevin! Kevin!
Edward!
Get away!
What happened?
Edward, come home! Come home!
Aah!
Somebody call the police!
- Aah! - Aah! - Aah!
Jim, stop it! Get off him!
Aah!
[Siren]
Run.
Kevin's all right!
It was just the tiniest scratch!
He's gone! Let's not bother him, all right?
Let's just leave him alone!
[Gunshots]
Go on, run.
What happened?
- Did you get him? - OK, is he dead?
It's all over. Go on home.
There's nothing more to see.
What happened out there?
It's all over!
I want some answers.
It is all over.
Where is he?
Get back here! I want to ask you something!
Do you see him?
Wait! I want to ask you...
He's in that car.
Look at that.
I don't believe it.
They don't have him.
I'm going!
No! That's not a good idea!
They're coming?
Did I hurt Kevin?
No, he's OK Mostly he was just scared.
Edward, I was so afraid.
I thought you were dead.
I didn't.
No!
Jim, stop!
No!
Stop!
Stop it, or I'll kill you myself.
Aah!
Hey! I said stay away from her!
[Neighbors' Voices]
Goodbye.
I love you.
Aah! Oh!
- Aah! - Oh! - Oh!
Is he in there?
He's dead.
The roof caved in on him.
They killed each other.
You can see for yourselves.
See?
I'm going home.
She never saw him again.
Not after that night.
How do you know?
Because I was there.
You could have gone up there.
You still could go.
No, sweetheart.
I'm an old woman now.
I would rather he remember me the way I was.
How do you know he's still alive?
I don't know,
not for sure, but...
I believe he is.
You see...
before he came down here,
it never snowed.
And afterwards...
it did.
If he weren't up there now,
I don't think it would be snowing.
Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it.